When "Maybe" Causes Anxiety, Be Direct!

All children struggle with ambiguity....

But it's ESPECIALLY hard for Neurodivergent kids to understand your intentions,

when you give a vague, wishy-washy answer to their question.

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Think about it...

*Many ADHD and Autistic children, already struggle with reading facial expressions, vocal tones, and social contexts, in daily conversations.

*They get confused when you use metaphors and non-literal language

(such as "when pigs fly").

*They have to combat time blindness and executive dysfunction

(which makes it hard for

them to comprehend your

priorities and schedule).

*And they often have Auditory Processing issues

(so they get used to making a

guess at what you meant).

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But you know what they are usually really GOOD at?!! 🎭

They are GOOD at remembering how you made them FEEL!!

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So if they ask YOU to buy them something (or take them somewhere),

🍭 🎠 🎮 🎁 🍰 🎪 👑

and you give a vague answer--

an answer that avoids directly communicating "No'--

they are gonna be really good at REMEMBERING that you GAVE THEM HOPE.

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And when you don't follow through on the

"Maybe I'll get it for you,"

"Perhaps next week,"

"I'll take you there, next time,"

"Sure, just not today,"

"I'll probably get you one, soon"

"Be good and we'll see..."

There is going to be an EPIC meltdown.

Because you made them feel like it WAS possible,

when really, you were NOT going to make it happen.

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Direct communication is HARD.

Especially when your child has a face full of longing, and you don't want them to cause a scene.

But with Neurodivergent kids, Direct Communication is best.

You can avoid the BIG meltdown later (and avoid their LOSING trust in you), by settling for a small tantrum or an awkward conversation, now.

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Tell them "not today," and then co-regulate with them,

distract them,

or tell them what you CAN do for them.

But don't mislead them by avoiding the kinds of DIRECT words/phrases they CAN UNDERSTAND EASILY, such as:

*No.

*We can't take that home.

*Our old one still works fine.

*I don't have the budget to buy that.

"That is not one of your choices,"

*Our schedule won't allow that.

*That isn't something we need.

*I wouldn't be comfortable going there, but instead we could...

*It was nice to play with and we can play with it again, next time we visit here.

*I choose not to buy toys that are likely to break easily.

*Instead I choose to spend our money on....

*That looks unsafe

*That's not something I would enjoy,"but I WOULD enjoy...

*It is overpriced

*I would rather take you to....

*We can't get that, but we CAN get...

*I prefer to borrow items like that from the library.